How to overcome your psychological complex

key to overcome psychological complex

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(Part of the information covered in this sector is based on the book ‘Belief Buster Kit’ by Aine Belton who has helped thousands of people to identify and eliminate their limiting beliefs – highly recommended)

A psychological complex is a set of emotions and behaviors created by our mind and thus we can delete, change or adjust it to be in line with our visions and goals in life. You CAN be free from your complex, the solution lies within you. You are the creator of your mind and your life is in your hands.

It is essential to remember at any time that you are not your complex and to separate your identity (who you really are) from your complex. Do not punish yourself for suffering from a complex because your complex is only a series of faulty assumptions processed by your brain.

By following the 6 steps methodology below you should be able to overcome your complex and move closer to your desired being. While going through the steps you should try to read beyond the words, think and apply the theory.

Trust only movement.  Life happens at the level of events, not of words.’ – Alfred Adler.



realize your psychological complex

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The first step is realization and becoming aware of your existing complexes. Being unaware of your complex means being kept in the dark, suffering and fighting against something that you cannot define. You need to look deep inside you and identify the root of the negative emotions-behaviors relating to your complex. Watch the feelings that accompany your psychological complex and use them as a guide to further understand the nature of your complex. However, do not try to suppress, judge or deny these emotions, this will only make them persist and become more intense. You need to release them, watch them and learn from them by discovering the triggers that lie behind them.  You need to become familiar with your enemy first before you defeat him.

The information in this website is organized in a way that will help you identify and become acquainted with your complex if you read through the following sectors:

  • What psychological complexes really are’ – try to comprehend the definition of psychological complexes.
  • Which type of psychological complex do you have’ – learn about the different categories of complexes (physical-mental / positive-negative) and discover where your own complex stands. Once you have placed your complex in a category, it is much easier to identify its specific characteristics.
  • Where does my complex come from?’ – go deep inside your mind and life and find the source that generated your complex. In that way you will learn more about your complex and find ways to reprogramme your mind against what triggered it which might have been a faulty assumption.
  • Hidden and unperceived psychological complexes?’ – in many occasions people suffer and fight against a non-existent complex while they fail to identify the real complex that is hidden behind it.
  • List of psychological complexes’ – going through the list of psychological complexes you will get an idea of other complexes people might be suffering from, realize that there is a huge variety of complexes and identify your own complex.



accept your mental complex 100%

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The second step is accepting and stop judging yourself. Before starting the journey to overcoming your complex, it is essential that you accept and love yourself for who you are now, even for those parts that you would like to eventually change. This is a general concept and not limited to psychological complexes. The main reason why most humans do not accept themselves is because they believe that in that way they will create motivation for change and improvement in their lives. However, self-acceptance is a prerequisite for change to occur and for you to reach your true potential.  Do not fear that by accepting your present situation you will not improve because seeking evolution is part of human nature.

In order to achieve self-acceptance you must firstly identify those aspects of yourself that you do not like and realize that they were developed as an attempt to protect yourself from ‘threats’ you might have encountered earlier in your life.  For example, if your parents punished you for your bad grades in school, you might have developed towards academic success. Furthermore, you need to be aware of these undesired aspects of your life (e.g. appearance, intelligence, food) and accept them as part of your being. You should understand how they feel and what they need in order to be fulfilled e.g. a feeling that you are not intelligent enough results in emotions of low self-confidence and could only be fulfilled by exercising your brain.  Normally, there will be two opposite forces in your mind, one struggling to overcome these undesired aspects of your life and the other feeding them and trying to maintain them (usually subconsciously). Your aim should be to find the right balance between these two forces through a dialogue performed in your mind. Finally remember that you are much more than these undesired aspects of your life or your complexes.



forgive yourself

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The third step is forgiving yourself for suffering from that complex and giving permission to yourself to become free from that complex. Most probably you wish you never had to suffer from that complex and you feel angry with your mind for all the negative emotions and behaviors that complex is causing in your life. However, do not blame yourself for suffering from your complex, it is not your fault.

Maybe you were young when your complex was generated and you did not know any better, you were not realizing the internal process taking place in your mind that resulted in your complex. Maybe you did not have the equipment, the knowledge and the strength at that time to fight against it. But the past is irrelevant, the only moment is now. And since you have come that far, it proves that you are ready to liberate yourself and let it go. Forgive yourself for what you had to suffer and be proud of yourself and content that you can now be free from your old limiting behaviors and emotions. Allow the doors of your mind to open towards a new liberating life as you approach the fulfillment of your being and visions in life.



deepen your understanding

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(the following two steps require that you write down your thoughts in order to achieve the desired outcome. Although most people feel demotivated writing down things and question the effectiveness of such methods, keep in mind that writing is a proven useful tool for personal development since it allows you to put down your thoughts into a tangible form and see more clearly whether they make sense or if there are gaps that need to be corrected).

By performing the following exercises, your intention is to further understand various aspects relating to your complex and get deeper in its roots. Please answer the questions below relating to your complex by writing down your thoughts analytically:

  • What are the feelings and thoughts that accompany your psychological complex and which ones generate the strongest emotional charge within you?
  • Which are some of the typical points of the internal dialogue you keep having with yourself regarding your complex?
  • Write down for 10 minutes any thought that comes in your mind about your complex in a sincere way. Do not try to write in a structured way, the point of this exercise is to express freely anything that is in your mind – you will be surprised to see how many points will be revealed of which you were not aware.
  • Which do you think are the main obstacles and fears that stop you from overcoming your psychological complex?
  • In a scale from 1-10, how far are you willing to go to overcome your complex? Why?
  • If you managed to overcome your complex, in what ways do you think your life would be different?
  • What beliefs would you have around your psychological complex if it were not an issue at all for you? e.g. with regards to money complex, some liberating beliefs would be that money is easy to make, money does not bring happiness and money is not the aim or center of your life.

Now read your answers to the questions above. You should be able to identify various points but also resistances to your complex of which you were not previously aware. Try to list down the most important of them.



create a new perspective to your complex

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By this point you should have identified, realized, accepted and become familiar with your psychological complex. In this step we will try to change the thoughts and feelings that you have developed around your complex. Although the instructions below are mostly applicable to mental complexes which are approached more effectively through reprogramming our minds, they may also be applied on many physical complexes. In most cases, physical complexes also allow for some concrete and tangible actions e.g. with regards to acnes complex, the victim could seek medical treatment or change his/her eating habits.

Please follow the guidelines below:

  • The most important thing is to make the decision that it is time to put an end to your complex and commit to it.
  • Based on the characteristics of your complex that you have already identified, define the specific aspects of your complex that you want to change (maybe some of its aspects do not have a negative effect on your behavior and emotions). By being specific you can have actual behaviors and measurable outcomes in a specific context.
  • Develop a new perspective towards your complex by adjusting the points you listed down in STEP 4 that related to your old perspective and creating a new list of your new empowering points. For example, your old perspective that ‘people think I am a failure and expect me to fail’ might become ‘I complete successfully all the tasks I undertake’. Place the old and new list next to each other. You must now install in your brain the new list – refer to STEP 6.
  • Another very powerful and effective technique is to start first with the new liberating emotion that you will achieve by overcoming your complex. The main concept that lies behind this is that if you have the emotion inside you first (even if you have to fake it), it is much easier to achieve it since it will guide you to that direction.  For example, if you want to overcome your thin voice complex because you want to feel more masculine, start first by imagining and feeling the emotion of masculinity that a thick voice would offer to you (even if you have to fake it) and let it guide you in overcoming your voice complex.




embed the new perspective in your life

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 In this final step you will have to install the new perspective to your complex that you developed and listed down in STEP 5. Reprogramming your brain with a new set of thoughts, emotions and behaviors towards an issue that has been torturing your mind for a long time is a hard process and might take a substantial amount of time. However, once you have reprogrammed your mind and your new perspective is installed, you will have achieved overcoming your complex and setting yourself free.

For optimal results the following techniques should be applied:

  • Visualize, feel and connect your new perspective with images. Visualization is a proven technique that changes your emotions – remember you are what you think! Success is created mentally first and the mind is our greatest tool so use it wisely to come closer to your visions. For example, if you have a height complex and your new perspective includes the thought that short people are equally attracting and powerful as tall people, try to visualize yourself at your current height in various situations as an attracting and powerful person (observe the feelings generated).
  • Use the list of points of your new perspective which you developed in STEP 5 as your affirmations.  Affirmations are positive statements which you repeat many times to yourself in order to install them in your subconscious, programming your mind in your desired way. You can write your list of affirmations on cards, put them on your computer, create audio recordings and repeat them whenever you have time. For efficient exposure, try to get yourself in a relaxed state of mind before repeating your affirmations (you may consider using meditation techniques for relaxation).
  • Perform a weekly review of your progress and whether you are on the right track of overcoming your complex. Use your emotions as guidance. If you don’t see any significant changes, go through the steps again and consider revising the new perspective you developed around your complex or adjusting some of the techniques to match your own occasion.

During your journey of putting an end to your psychological complex, you are moving into an unknown mental zone where you might experience fear, resistance and other similar emotions. Respect and honor these emotions but follow your desire to become free of your complex and let it guide you in living the life you always wanted.



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Morgan is the founder and editor of REALITYPLEX. After suffering from a life-threatening accident, he realized that the way we perceive things around us is based on our beliefs, emotions and experiences. In an effort to draw the line between perception and reality, he launched REALITYPLEX in 2011. Get to know him better and connect with him on Facebook, Twitter and G+